can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
