were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Oh god it's open bar.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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