I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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