I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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