she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
