i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
