Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
