Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
