its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
