just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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