Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
My feet surprised me
Randomize
