Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
