his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
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