so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I haven't been this sober since birth.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
