her vagine was all disorganized.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
