hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
