I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I enjoy the company of your penis
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
