Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
