i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
