hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
