At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
