Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
there is puke in my bra ... again
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
