Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
