ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Randomize
