the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
