Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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