So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
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I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
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My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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