So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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