i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
