dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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