the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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