She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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