So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
