Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
We're too hungover to prance.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
