if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
