ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
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