Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
