If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
