mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
