The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
