smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
