My balls are so social today.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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