u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
