if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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