So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
