my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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