forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
