i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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