Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
