So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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