A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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