I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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