I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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