yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
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