your thong is hanging out like whoa
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Randomize
