i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Randomize
