I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
