wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
