is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
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The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
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I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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