This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
