Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Randomize
