So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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