my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
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I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
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You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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