And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I'm going to jail i love you
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
