I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
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