So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
