i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
