I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
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If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
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You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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