Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
