I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize