I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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