I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
