thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Life without a bra equals bliss.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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