Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
