i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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