You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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