if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
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