I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize