I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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