Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
