I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
