Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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