Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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