Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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