I'll bet she douches with gravy.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
