You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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