Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize