It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
