So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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