Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
