can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
